A piece by Amb. S. Yasir Abiola
Human wants are naturally insatiable. In relationships, therefore, expectations, needs and desires will sometimes differ between partners. But marriage is not a contest of who gets their way; it is a partnership that requires mutual respect, understanding, love, patience and peace.
Recent reports circulating across social media about tragic incidents involving husbands and wives—some resulting in serious injuries and even loss of lives—should make everyone pause and reflect.
No human being is perfect. Two people coming together as husband and wife will inevitably disagree from time to time. Disagreement itself is not the danger. How we respond to disagreement is what matters.
Ego can become a serious risk factor when it takes over a conversation. The inability to acknowledge another person’s perspective, the insistence on always being right, hurtful words and unresolved resentment can gradually create emotional distance between two people who once shared the same dreams.
Loneliness can even exist within a marriage. It can happen when two people are no longer emotionally on the same page—not necessarily because they disagree, but because one partner continually fails to understand, appreciate or support the direction the other is taking.
The danger, therefore, is not simply disagreement. The deeper danger is persistent disrespect, lack of understanding, unresolved conflict and the loss of a shared sense of purpose.
Dear gentlemen,
My message is simple: when an argument becomes heated, know when to walk away.
If you realise that you are becoming overwhelmed by anger, provocation or hurtful words, create some distance. Leave the room. Take a walk. Sit somewhere quiet. Pray. Breathe. Give yourself time to cool down.
Walking away in such a moment is not necessarily weakness. Sometimes, it is wisdom. Sometimes, it is self-control. And sometimes, it is the decision that prevents a moment of anger from becoming a lifetime of regret.
Provocation can fuel negative thoughts, and when anger is allowed to persist without control, those thoughts can escalate into actions that cannot be reversed.
But this message is not an excuse for anyone—man or woman—to tolerate abuse. Where there is persistent emotional, physical or psychological abuse, the appropriate response is to seek help, establish safe boundaries and, where necessary, remove oneself from danger.
Marriage should be a place where two people can disagree without destroying each other; where correction does not become humiliation; where communication does not become warfare; and where love is stronger than ego.
Gentlemen, protect your peace. Control your temper. Walk away when necessary. Seek help when things become unhealthy.
A moment of self-control can save a marriage, a family—and most importantly, a life.
May the Almighty make things right for every responsible man and woman striving to build peaceful and healthy homes.
— Amb. S. Yasir Abiola
